Everybody Hates Chris Wiki

Everybody Hates the Substitute is the 14th episode of Season 2.


A scholarly substitute teacher makes Chris' life a living hell by holding him to a higher standard than his classmates. Meanwhile, Tonya learns that she can always get her way by accusing Drew of hitting her, and Mr. Omar gets on Julius' last nerve when he takes advantage of his neighborly generosity.


  • This episode was nominated for a Image Award for Outstanding Directing in a Comedy Series.


  • The song that plays at the beginning of the episode is "Another Bites The Dust" by Queen.
  • The last song played is "Don't Get Me Wrong" by the Pretenders.


Mr. Newton (to Chris' class): Good morning. I'm Mr. Newton.
Caruso (to another student): More like Mr. Tibbs.
Mr Newton: What's your name?
Caruso: Joey Caruso.
Mr. Newton: And you're making fun of me because I'm black?
Narrator: Yeah, you big dummy. He does it to me every day.

Mr. Newton (to Caruso): If you want to make fun of me, fine, but make fun of me for what I do, not how I look. You don't see me making fun of you because you look like a Brooklyn Beach Barney Rubble.

Rochelle (to Drew): I'm raising men in this house, and men do not hit women.
Narrator: That meant you couldn't hit a girl even if you were supposed to hit her.
[scene shows Drew boxing with a girl]
Rochelle: You better not hit that girl.
[Drew gets knocked out by the girl boxer]

Mr. Newton (while Chris is running outside as he sprays a hose of water at him): Is a B-minus all right?!
Chris: No, sir!
Mr. Newton: Do you want to learn?!
Chris: Yes, sir!
Mr. Newton: Do you want to quit?!
Chris: No, sir!
Mr. Newton: You want to go to another school?!
Chris: No, sir!
Mr. Newton: Why?
Chris: 'Cause I have no other place to go!
Mr. Newton: Then you better answer my question: What's A squared plus B squared?
Chris: C squared.
Mr. Newton: I can't hear you!
Chris: C squared! It's C squared.

Narrator: Tonya got more people in trouble than a white girl at an NBA after party.

Chris (while reading a letter Monk wrote): Corleone Junior High School letter of resignation. Do you think this will work?
Monk: Of course it'll work, or my name ain't Monk.
Narrator: His name's not Monk. His name was Jimmy.

Narrator: My mother said boys couldn't hit girls, but she could.

Rochelle (to Mr. Newton): Is there a problem?
Narrator: Yeah, woman. A crazy man is trying to give me a test at home.