Everybody Hates Valentine's Day is the fourteenth episode of the first season of Everybody Hates Chris.
Synopsis[]
It is Valentine's Day, and Chris feels insecure as he cannot get a Valentine, except from Caruso via hate mails. Meanwhile, Julius and Rochelle have different reactions when Drew gets a bunch of Valentine gifts from girls, including a grown woman while Tonya reveals she has a boyfriend.
Plot[]
Chris feels unenthusiastic of Valentine's Day coming up as it makes him feel unwanted. Caruso, however, antagonizes him by leaving him a bunch of "I hate you" cards. Chris reveals he has a "bus crush" on a girl named Tangee because he met her on his bus rides to school and back. However, Tangee has a boyfriend who is very controlling and aggressive and they constantly fight much to the annoyance of the other passengers on the bus. Tonya reveals that she has a boyfriend after she shows a bracelet she got as a Valentine gift, much to Julius's disapproval, and Drew gets a bunch of Valentines' cards from a lot of girls, much to the displeasure of Rochelle. On Valentine's Day, when Tangee and her boyfriend get on the bus, they continue to fight and her boyfriend gets aggressive. Chris decides to get up and defend her, before he can do anything to Chris, the bus driver intervenes with a bat and forces the boy off the bus. Tangee was grateful to Chris and decides to give him the Valentine's Day card she intended to give her boyfriend and kisses him. Chris decided to get Tangee a card in return after school. However, when he presents it to her, she expected more from him, which leads her to cussing him out in front of everyone on the bus, which leaves him quite embarrassed but did prove a point. Chris decides to give the card he was supposed to give to Tangee to his mom, Rochelle instead. However, Chris and Greg got their cards for their Valentines mixed up and Chris's card actually went to a girl named Joy, Greg's Valentine. Joy’s dad opens the card asking “Joy?? Are you dating a black guy?”. The actual Chris Rock narrating answered, “She did, 5 years later”. The episode then ends with Chris smiling awkwardly at Rochelle with the “Everybody Hates Chris” hook playing in the back.
Quotes[]
Chris : Why is that when it comes to me, you know so much about girls but you freak out when one gives you a card? Greg: I guess it's kinda like not being able to cut your own hair.
Rochelle : Boys are becoming fathers even at age 12. Chris (narrating): And great grandfathers at 43.
(reading from a card) Chris : Roses are red, violets are blue, please go back to Africa, and take your mother with you. Happy Valentine's Day. (narrating) Love a clod like this and I might just go to Africa.-- From Caruso
Tonya Aged 30 : Daddy, this is Ronald, my fiancée. Ronald : Nice to meet you, Sir. (Julius shoots at Ronald) Tonya Aged 30 Momma, daddy shot my fiancée again. Chris (narrating): Hey, say what you want but that's effective birth control.
Julius : Rochelle, did you watch the news? Girls are having babies at 10. Chris (narrating): And grandbabies at 20.
Chris (narrating) : I didn't have any luck with girls when I was 13. Mostly I just had a bunch of crushes. They call it a crush because chances are if you open your mouth, you're gonna get crushed. They coulda call it "She don't like you, stupid!" but crush is just quicker.
Caruso : Roses are red, violets are blue, you stink like a monkey, and look like one too. Happy Valentine's day. --To Chris
Chris : They call it a crush, because every time you open your mouth there's a chance you're gonna get crushed. They could have called it "She Don't Like You Stupid!" but "crush" is just quicker.
Trivia[]
- This episode was nominated for the 2007 Image Award for "Outstanding Directing In A Comedy Series".
- At the beginning, in the school, a boy is carrying a poster that says "VALENTINES DAY DANCE / FEB 14 FRI" but in 1983, February 14 was a Monday.
- This episode is James' first appearance